Me: time and time again when you have a hook up with someone you always have that person always looking for something else even when you tell them that this is just sex. So why does it always happen that they want more? I mean I'm sure that we have all been guilty of this in one way or another, me included but sometimes I think if straight guys go through the same thing? like is it only gay guys that are so clingy because not everyone is gay or is it because they don't want to be alone? for me I would hook up with someone and then find myself liking them but then I would later be disappointed because typically all they would want is sex or something or would just want to meet up at night at my house get drunk and then have sex. so why do gay guys always have sex and expect to have a husband like right after.
DeMarco: I can assure you that heterosexuals go through the same stuff, whether it be disappointing someone, or being disappointed the same way. A part of me feels like society has put high expectations upon love and relationships where people think there is something wrong with them if they haven't experienced love or if they aren't in a relationship all the time. We get surrounded by this image in advertising and media. It plays into the insecurities of people.
But I can't deny that there are simply just times where genuine desire for someone occurs. Sometimes you are someone's desire, and sometimes you want more from another person. I have experienced both.
Me: yeah i mean of course media always plays a roll in this shit, its a way to show us what is hot and what is not. But i mean when someone is dating for like 3 weeks and all of a sudden they are deeply in love? what is that shit about. Ive seen alot of it in straight couples but gays, Jesus Christ those guys take everything on the fast track. I mean I'm gay and it usually takes me 6 months before i can even admit that i love a guy
DeMarco: You could be right that gay guys are always on the "fast track," but straight people aren't any better in my opinion. The whole "love" issue is something I've thought was interesting for a while now. It is hard to take someone seriously when that happens like you mentioned, a few weeks in and people are already spouting love around like any other word.
To me, it shows a lack of respect for what love really is. Just a month or two ago, a friend of mine had a project for a philosophy class where a piece of it was defining "love." After about 45 minutes of back and forth discussion, we agreed that at the core, love is the feeling that you cannot live without something, that you are willing to give your life for whatever it may be. In that respect, way too many people are not being genuine with their choice of words.
Me: Yeah i totally agree i mean, when your dating someone for a few weeks and then tell them that you love them, i mean there is no meaning in that. Even if the person has strong feelings about the other. But love like you said should be the feeling that you cant live without them, but i mean sometimes i feel like when a guy says that they love another it has some stigmas tagged to it. Like there is almost something that has to be proven before they are able to say it or something.
DeMarco: Are you referring to guys in general, or strictly gay guys?
Me: gay guys, like for me when i told my boyfriend that i loved him, i felt like we had to go over a few steps before i was able to say it. Like having unprotected sex, PDA, brushing each others hair, you know petty shit but it was like there was a check list or something
DeMarco: That's interesting you say that, because I would say the typical scenario for straight guys in relationships is that they aren't getting anything extra UNTIL they say "I love you." Now of course that isn't always the case, but it is certainly a common theme in my opinion.
Me: yeah I'm sure that its a case by case kinda thing but for gay guys its like you have to prove yourself before you say i love you.But for me when i say i love you, its a point in our relationship that i am able to be vulnerable enough to be able to give you all of my heart and not reserve parts that i think that you wanna see
DeMarco: Out of the two options, I would say it is better having to prove yourself to say it, rather than having to say it to get more. I think that is where a lot of the dishonesty comes in, because people know that they can get what they want and all they have to do is say something that they don't have to actually mean. Does that make them an asshole? Sure it does, but the other person shouldn't be making it that easy in the first place.
The way you're describing it is a fair way to. I think it is respectable and is something that could be presented earlier in the relationship when it seems apparent that things may be heading down that route. It'll let the other person know ahead of time what it really means if that time does finally arrive.
Me: yeah i think if your ready for that point in a relationship then you should be able to say it. And yes it does make you an asshole when you just say i love you just to get something out of it.
In any case the word love is loosing its meaning with any relationship, gay or straight.
In my case i have only said i love you to two guys and with my first one i became broken hearted and probably took me a year just to get over it. So long should it take you to get over someone? What do you do when you are trying to get over it?
DeMarco: It has definitely lost a lot of its meaning. It is too common nowadays. People WANT to be in love, they want to believe they're in love, they start looking for it and hoping for it. There's an old quote, "the easiest person to fool is yourself" and I believe that is very accurate in a lot of these cases of "love."
Well as long as my memory is working here, I've only said it to one girl, my girlfriend in my senior year of high school. Looking back on it now, I know that I was just one of those silly hopeful people that wanted to have something special, but in reality I didn't and just tricked myself into thinking I did. That whole experience was very helpful and taught me a lot, so I'm glad I went through it, but I am under no illusions about it being real love.
As far as getting over someone, it is hard for me to say. I wasn't devastated when that little high school romance ended, and have never really been devastated. A few special girls have come and gone in my life, and I missed them yes, but I just make it right with myself. I move forward, I keep myself realistic and remind myself that there is more to life than a relationship or some girl. What other people seem to go through after break-ups is not something I have experienced. What I want to know, is if that is because I'm emotionally stronger than others, or because I just didn't have as strong of feelings.
Me: I'm not sure I like to think that I'm emotionally reserved for the most part. But when I feel love and the heartache of a break up, I cant control my emotions. I just have to let everything out. and it hurts, and sometimes I wish I would be able to just sit in my world alone and not be distracted by the world going on around me. But if I would do that, then I wouldn't be able to learn from the suffering that I would have to endure. But i guess that's love you become deep into it and learn from what you can, and when it explodes in your face you have to suffer but at least you learn from that too.
DeMarco: I try to control my emotions, or I have other ways of outlet than just the suffering over some type of pain. But then again, my day could be coming where I am broken too, I can't be too confident in my composure.
But I think that's a big aspect of anything good, people aren't ready or thinking about when and if it goes bad. The way I look at life is that everything is pros and cons, and you just have to pick things for yourself where you feel like the pros outweigh the cons. Some people enjoy love and relationships so much that they are willing to go through the pain that may result, others would rather avoid it but they don't get to experience all the good things about love in exchange for avoiding any potential pain.
We had to cut our conversation a little short because were a little busy the both of us, but we both pretty much agreed that love shouldn't be a word that is thrown around so easily. Both straight and gay relationships are both at fault for using this word so uselessly. Although as it would show that straight couples almost you the word love as something that would be able to get them more out of girlfriend. And for gay couples you have to prove yourself to your boyfriend to show him that you really do love him. Also love is an emotion that is ultimately something that makes you do anything and everything for the person that you are in love with. Although there always is that part that makes you vulnerable to the person and therefore you are more easily hurt by that person you still are able to learn and make yourself a better person. DeMarco is right when it comes to love and life everything comes with pros and cons.
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